Yesterday was a really tough day. Somehow whatever remaining expectations I was clutching to, especially around getting a job, slapped me in the face, and I cried from the sting. Things simply weren’t going my way, and I’d had enough. I thought I was taking all the right steps, putting myself out there, doing what needed to be done, but time & time again, opportunities slipped through my fingers.
When this happens, I know I’m not in “the flow” of the Universe. I know that I’m resisting something, or trying to control something, or simply engaged in a “death grip on reality”, like an old friend shared once. Finally, the tears began to flow, and I stomped my foot like my 4-year-old niece, and shook my fist at God & said, “It isn’t fair!”.
But I sure felt better!
More & more as the days pass by here in Chicago, acknowledging what’s hard seems to be the only way through this emotional rat’s maze. If I pretend it’s not so bad, or try to see the silver lining too much, the reality of the hardness snaps back at me like a towel whip from a 9th grader in the school locker room. Yeah, that bad.
Despite moping all day, I took that frustration & began to catalogue some videos last night. Hooray! While brushing my teeth I told myself, “Well, tomorrow’s another day. I can try anew then.” Sure enough, I woke up on time for a 9AM hot yoga class, followed by a half-hour of mediation. The instructor, and owner of the studio, asked me if I was ready to leave 2011 behind. “Hell yes!”, I said.
During the mediation, the thought came to me: our calendar is a man-made system. A New Year can start at any time. I can be ready to leave behind all sorts of things on any given day. I don’t need a calendar to tell me when to shed my load. It’s a daily, even hourly, choice! That doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage of the space for reflection our calendar creates for us. However, it was a humble reminder that my teeth brushing advice was on track.
After the meditaiton, the yoga studio owner, who knew my jobless situation, offered me a work study so I could still take classes. After chatting some more, and telling him about my film project, he exclaimed that he was looking to make a film for the studio to put on the website! We talked some more, and I will do his video in exchange for free yoga classes for the next few months. What a serendipitous moment!
I truly believe that getting grumpy, turning my frustration into positive action, and embracing today as a new day was what opened the channel for this new opportunity. Both the owner & myself can serve each other in a gracious way using barter or trade, which simultaneously serves the Homewood community.
Letting Go of 2011
Here are the top 10 things I’m glad to let go of in 2011.
- My brother’s death
- My old job
- The Bay Area
- Focussing on the negative
- Hiding from my feelings
- My past
- All the injuries plaqueing my physical body
- Arrogance towards others
Here are the top 10 things I wish for all of us in the new year.
- The end to my mom’s suffering, and the suffering of all those ill with diseases.
- Full funding of everyone’s cool, artsy, amazing & delightful projects.
- A shift in values that will end the Gross Domestic Product (GDP), and begin the Gross National Happiness (GNP) as the primary indicator of a healthy nation.
- Incredible, supportive, inspiring, gifted, & dynamic friends like the ones I already have! (That means YOU!)
- A hug & kiss from a 4 year old kid
Best wishes in the 2012 New Year!