Several days before I left Chicago, I got a phone call from my friend who was organizing our Denali team. She said the team never gelled, and her new business ran into some major headaches. Long & short of it: the trip was cancelled.

It threw me for a major bummer. It was so huge to have a focus again. Having a goal in mind, one that would re-ignite this project, brought motivation & drive to succeed. Hearing her on the phone just took the wind right out of my sails.

What could I do? All my yoga classes were handed off to someone else, notice given at my apartment, goodbyes were said, parties were thrown, hugs were given. I had to keep moving forward, Out West.

It’s been a true exercise in faith & trust, to completely let go & allow the universe to unfold my path for me. It’s humbling as all get-out & tremendously scary. Giving up the notion that I’m in charge of my Life or of Fate, is a pretty significant ego-buster.

Since the fall-out, my thoughts go back to the same questions I asked in Chicago, “What am I doing here?”. I truly have no idea what my purpose is in Montrose, CO. I’m getting slivers of a clue, but nothing concrete, clean & simple like climbing a 20,000 ft. peak. I can only hope that more will be revealed.

Meanwhile, after recovering from a terrible rib injury due to falling on ice in Chicago, I’m finally getting back into shape. Five weeks in, and I’m getting a feel for the altitude, although still not fully used to it. I tried ice climbing last week & loved it! I’m also reaching out to the rock climbing community here.

I have books from the library on 14,000 ft. peaks I’d like to practice on this summer. My hope is that come fall, I’ll have a group of friends to practice self-arrest and pulling sleds with. I also hope, this same group of friends will become the Denali 2014 team.

Besides these things, I’m investigating yoga opportunities, reiki opportunities, and some other things. Many of you know, but some don’t, I’m building a team of consultants for NYR Organic products. Newly added to that is The Biomat.

The biggest thing I feel, though, is returning to this project. Having Denali as the carrot, my juices began flowing again. Just today I felt like filming a blog update, instead of writing one. Haven’t felt like that since before I left Alaska in 2011…

Slow, baby steps are being made. The big realization is I need help cataloging & editing the current material. If you know of any film students, or teachers of film programs at colleges & universities near you, I’d be _most obliged_ for an introduction. I’d love to give film students a chance to build a portfolio piece by collaborating with me to edit a SpokenCoast Project interview. A win-win for all! Thanks in advance.

Other than that, I’m breathing. Finally able to do daily yoga practice, I do daily reiki practice & mantra meditation. When I don’t know what to do, I breathe. When I feel overwhelmed, I breathe. When I feel confused, I breathe. Taking pause when these emotions arise helps me to get clarity, stay in gratitude, and keep making steps forward. Don’t know what the results will be, but putting forth the effort will result in something…that I do know.

Thanks for reading, and for your support. Transitioning to this rural Colorado town with no set purpose has shaken me to my core. I’m grateful to be through the worst of it! Namaste…

I had notions of opening a yoga studio, or going back to school for an advanced yoga training or maybe massage therapy or something. But, nothing jumped out at me. Doors of opportunity that opened seemed to close again within a week or two. Nothing seemed to “click” for me. I had no idea what to do, except keep exploring.

Then on New Year’s Eve day, I get an email from my dear friend and fellow outdoor bad-ass lady, Emilie Cortes. She wrote that she’s putting together a team for Denali, and would I like to be on it?

Uh, whoa.

Really? Me? Denali? THIS year??

It was too overwhelming a prospect to entertain. I was literally driving out of Avon, CO after visiting a different Emily, Hekkinen that is (whom you should all take skiing lessons with at Beaver Creek), when I read the Denali email. I was filling up for gas, and on my way to see Mickey’s wife & kids in Evergreen. So, I just let it go.

Fast forward 3 days, and it’s now January 2nd. I’m back in the Chicago suburbs, and on my first run of the year. I love running in the flatlands right after being in high altitude. It’s like rocket boosters are strapped to my heels. It feels like I could run all the way around the globe. It feels like my lungs can capture twice as much air, which they kind of are.

Anyways, while on this glorious run, I contemplated Emilie Cortes’ blog on setting New Year’s resolutions. I liked her philosophy about setting a goal or accomplishment instead, and allowing the natural result be the bonus. Her example was setting the goal for Denali, and the bonus result would be looking better in a bikini.

While musing on this cute notion, the thoughts struck me, “I’m not getting any younger. I’m pushing 40. When will I ever have this chance again?”.

That was it. I pushed my chips all in to the poker pot. I was “in”. Committed.

Now what?

Since this decision, many amazing things have happened. By creating more space in my schedule, and not focussing so much on yoga, I had more students show up in my classes, I had a freelance copyediting gig come my way, and an opportunity to build an “online” or “virtual” studio using a high quality video chat platform. Wow!

I’ve also been so busy seeing friends & family before leaving that I’ve barely had any time to take care of things like writing this blog, or enjoying my Chicago Punchlist (which includes the Polish Museum of America & the Swap-O-Rama flea market among other things).

But, I’m doing the things I’m supposed to, primarily around training. I’m swaping private yoga for private personal training. The results are phenomenal! I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, but also improved my posture by leaps & bounds! I learned certain leg muscles were tight, impeding good posture. The trainer taught me easy stretches that take care of the tightness, release my entire spine into better alignment. It’s truly a miracle.

So, if you need a personal trainer in the Chicago area, don’t hesitate to contact Roy Alfonso. He has a delightful personality, and really knows his $h!t.

Having a purpose & a direction had brought tremendous emotional & mental relief. I don’t feel so unanchored anymore, just floating in the cosmic soup waiting to be jostled someplace. And, honestly, amongst all my musings before the calendar flipped to 2013, in my heart of hearts, when I _truly_ got honest with myself, I really want to pick this project back up & continue on. Owning a yoga studio will only anchor me down.

It’s a testament that truly everything happens for a reason. The studio opportunities that came my way were simply there to learn from. Going forward, I’ll recognize a great business opportunity when I see it, because now I have the experience of what to look for. Meanwhile, I can prance on up to the 20,320 feet summit of Denali unencumbered.

Now til Summit

To properly train for the largest peak in North America, I need to get out of the flatlands, and fast. I’m moving to Western Colorado, the Montrose area, to get plenty of high altitude practice hikes, and backcountry trips in. Until then, it’s Roy Alfonso’ whip cracking training, plus cardio, plus climbing gym when I can.

All the exercising is changing my body, and not just physically. My food craving & intake has doubled, and I struggle to sleep at night because the endorphins keep me so amped. I can’t wait to get out to the mountains, to a less hectic schedule, and create more time & space for the training. I’ll be staying at my dad’s house, which I’m _truly_ grateful for.

Next I have to figure out gear needs, then food needs. The food issue will be quite interesting given all my dietary restrictions. Since the reiki classes, however, my digestion has improved a thousand fold! Maybe I can tolerate certain foods now. It may not be as difficult as it seems. Still, mountain climbing while maintaining an IBS-symptom free gut will be quite the experiment.

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All in all, I’m super excited about this trip. I’m also super scared. There’s a lot of money involved. The team will likely fundraise, and maybe even make the team The SpokenCoast Project focussed. We’ll see.

Thanks to all so far who have wished me well. It means so much to have loving support from the Chicago community formed in the little time I was here. Stay tuned for more!

Period Piece

My mom was a big fan of PBS, and especially of Masterpiece Theater. As the holidays approached, and the emotions of missing her started their suffocating creep, I was thinking of ways to comfort myself on the Amazon Instant Video page. I remembered Mom’s penchant for the British period dramas, and found a series called Downton Abbey.

It was delightful! The era was closer to our modern day, but still far enough away to seem odd in comparison. There’s plenty of British understated snarking between the manor staff, as well as the aristocracy who live “upstairs”. It was the perfect escape for the mind.

When those episodes ran out, I tried “Lark Rise to Candleford”, a program from a few years back. It was more about country life, and at first seemed too “quaint” in comparison to the slick estate house of Downton. By the end of the first episode, I was hooked. Every character was interesting in their own way, and had a depth of humanity that was often surprising.

Missing Mom

It hit me the other day, when I had a dream about my mom with her permed orangey-redish hair from the late 70′s, early 80′s, that I had grieved my mom for many years before the cancer. As the new season of Downton Abbey began a few weeks ago, I realized my misty eyes were not of her from the last few years, but of her from those years ago when we were close, when we were pals, when we got along.

I’m not sure what happened to me when I hit teenagerhood. A rebellion surfaced that just wouldn’t quit. Looking back now, I can’t imagine my mom’s pain, watching me move away from her and refuse to listen to any guidance. Surely she could see the mistakes I was about to make, and yet she was powerless to do anything about them.

The Self

Recently someone told me grief was a kind of selfishness. It was focusing on your personal desire to have that person back in your life. At first I thought this was a harsh way to view the grieving process. But, after some thought, I realized his sentiment was fairly accurate.

The one year mark reminded me that there was no possible way to ever regain the closeness of our relationship from those pre-1990′s years. I mourned the loss of being able to cuddle up in bed while she flipped through the Sunday coupons watching Masterpiece Theatre.

In a way, I was beating myself up, wondering if I had done things differently would our parting of ways been easier? Would she have had more comfort before she passed? Would the loss be less painful & more fulfilling?

Tally Ho

Interestingly enough, right before her anniversary date I was faced with a decision to make, a decision regarding a wonderful but challenging opportunity. I decided to take it. (More on this in the next post).

Since that decision, many doors have opened up. Many new avenues have surfaced. I’m more excited than ever about what the future will bring. It feels like I’m sincerely “moving forward”.

In that excitement, I’m also experiencing tremendous fears, as well as a little guilt that I’m really this happy. Is it ok? Would my mom want this for me? Will she be jealous?

What is the happy medium of living your own life, but keeping the memory of those you love alive? It looks different for every person. The intense joy & satisfaction I feel as I collapse at home every night, stems from doing everything I want to do to fulfill _myself_, and no one else. It’s an incredible feeling, and one I’ve never felt before.

When I look at the struggles of the Downton Abbey family to bridge the old ways with the new, I understand. That’s how it feels for me. Instead of BC and AD in terms of Jesus, it feels like Before Cancer and After (Mom’s) Demise.

So I look to the family at Downton, who accept the increasingly modern era with grace, dignity, and aplomb. Their willingness to “roll with the punches”, yet maintain some semblance of tradition is reassuring somehow. If stuffy British aristocracy can maneuver the modern age, surely I can maneuver a brand new life.

Ta.

There is a pond on this farmhouse grounds, stocked with bluegill, bass, and catfish. Waterfowl make their homes on this pond during migration & mating seasons. Several years brought white swans, while now it’s mostly Canadian geese. The small pier that we used to fish, dive, and swim off of blew down in a storm, and was never replaced. The sandy beach area that we used to play in is overgrown with weeds now.

The Hill no longer gets mowed all the way, and tall prairie grasses cover most of it. No one is log rolling off the sides anymore. The back 20 acres have all become natural prairie. Summertime is a kaleidoscope display of wildflowers & bees. The pine forest is nearly ready to be harvested. The trees were planted close to the time my grandparents purchased the land, as part of a conservation program through the state & federal governments.

Several large parcels have been donated to various schools’ agricultural programs. Most of the remaining land is under conservation now. So little grain is produced, the silos were torn down many years ago.

But, I remember.

I remember the days when The Farm bustled with farmhands on tractors, when my grandpa would till and plant the fields.

I remember running through the corn fields being so tiny I could barely peek over the first corn ear.

I remember my grandparents’ anniversary, where Archbishop So-and-so presided over their re-union. This was one of many lavish parties thrown for Rotarians, dignitaries, and other notable Lithuanians both American & Lithuanian-born.

I remember my brothers teaching me how to throw small pebbles into the spiderwebs that hung on every barn corner, to watch the spiders rush over to wrap and sting the fake prey.

I remember learning how to ride a motorcycle, the thrill of finally figuring out the clutch on the long farm driveway.

I remember my grandma’s lush garden on the side of the house. How she made anything grow on that north-facing mud hole is a mystery to me. She had a gift.

I remember my cousin getting her nice Sunday dress hem caught on the barbed-wire fence after we hopped off the hayride early and climbed back into the yard. She got into a heap of trouble!

I remember playing in the harvested corn in the green barn when the crop was too big to fit into the silos one year. It was like playing in the red ball room at the carnival, but dustier & with cooler discoveries like dead crickets.

I remember walking as far in to the pond as we could without dunking our heads to see if snapping turtles and other saber-toothed mysteries of the murk would nibble at our swimsuits, then screaming bloody murder at perceived attacks (which were really nothing but our eyes playing tricks on us in the water), and slip-sliding as fast as possible up the banks of the pond, huddled & shivering in the Summer sun.

Everything has a cycle & a season under heaven. Even with the silos down, the dying willow trees, the overgrown hill, and the lack of invitations for parties that no longer happen, The Farm shimmers with delight to me. I remember.

The Farm made this otherwise city-slicker Chicago suburbanite the outdoorswoman she is today. Many lazy Summer days exploring, or just lounging on The Hill staring at the sky for hours on end, connected me, indelibly, to nature. Looking back now, I see what a gift it was to have that free, totally free, and safe time outdoors. Eating goose-egg omelets taught me to be an adventurous eater. Walking the fields taught me where our food comes from, and why clean soil, water, and sun are precious to making it grow right.

No matter where you live, if you have children, right now, take them out to the park, or a nearby forest preserve. Take them at least once a week, even in Winter. Let them pick up stones & sticks. Let them get dirty. Yes! Let them, it will help build their immune system. If there are any farms near you, make the trek at least once a year to show your children how food is grown, why it’s important to care for the land, so we may all eat. Show them how cows & goats get milked, and how chickens lay eggs. Make the time, do it right now. They will be in your debt, even if they don’t know it til their own deathbed and you have long transformed into another spirit place, your body’s remains merely wind-strewn dust. Make the effort to expose them to nature. Make it your New Year’s resolution. Don’t think about yourself, the hassle. Don’t remember to bring your handi-wipes. Just go, get dirty, and have fun. Go, now. Nature is waiting with open, welcoming arms…

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Thank you, Mom, for letting your parents teach me, guide me, and experience country living with me. Thank you, Grandma & Grandpa, for exposing me to a beautiful world, our natural living world.

Me, Me, Me

While “me, me, me” is a great vocal warmup, it’s not a great philosophy for conducting one’s life. Sadly, 99% of the population focus solely on themselves. It’s our human nature. It’s how our brain & mind work. It’s our gift & our thorn at the same time.

Early on in November, I conducted my first yoga workshop, at a facility in Homewood. No one showed up. Only 2 people said they wanted to come, but bailed & didn’t show anyway.

I was devestated, and took it totally personally. I literally went home in tears. One of the gals at the space, a beautiful soul, kept reminding me it wasn’t about me. I heard her through my ears, but my heart struggled to receive this message.

With a few days perspective on it, this lesson hit me hard. How was it I was wrapping my entire self-esteem up in a workshop with an $80 return? How could I have possibly given up my personal power to those two students? It was humbling to realize what I was doing to myself.

Digging Deep

Going through the experience of the empty workshop taught me that my self-esteem truly is about what is on my insides, what I believe about myself.

This experience, plus the retrograde, highlighted just how much I need to work on loving myself. The gal who brought me into the NYR Organic business had a great way of teaching me. One day I was crying over my finances, and how scary it was to get this business off the ground. I said to her: “Really? People want to do yoga with me?”

She told me, “Marissa, yes. Turn that around. Really. People _want_ to do yoga with you.”

That was a profound moment. It started to dawn on me that my own beliefs about my capabilities were hindering my success. The more I feared failure, the more I was drawing  it closer to me. My thoughts were turning into reality in near real-time. It was astounding.

Processing the Poop

This entire Thanksgiving week has been an emotional rollercoaster. The grief over my mom and brother was more intense than I ever expected. It’s been difficult to accept; difficult to allow it to surface completely. When the emotions seem so big, like the earth right under your feet will simply swallow you up, it’s hard to embrace them.

Even so, I did take courageous steps to address the darkness within. At a deeper level, much of this heavy, non-self-loving energy feels old, as in from another lifetime, old. I’m trading with a therapist who specializes in Emotional Freedom Technique. It was a profound first session.

I also talked with a couple close friends about the week, and courageously admitted my sadness, regrets, and patterns. And I didn’t burst into flames when I spoke these painful truths out loud. Wow.

I’m working the techniques from the spiritual fellowship that I’m part of, including a daily gratitude list, and a daily self-love list. It IS possible to take this fodder, and turn it into fertilizer for the soul.

Future Endeavors

Despite the madness of the last few retrograde weeks, I’m developing a yoga opportunity that presented itself in St. John, IN. Just tonight, my NYR friend told me about another opportunity in Indiana with the skincare line. Wow. Amazing serendipity.

More now than ever, it seems really important to take the current oinion layer of self-doubt and transform it once & for all. It’s hard work, it’s scary, and it’s hard work. Did I mention it’s hard work?

Humans resist change anyway, like putting their yoga mat into a new space of the room – simple kind of change. How on earth can I change deeply ingrained patterns that started at birth?

I don’t know, but I’m sick of my current reality paradigm, so there’s only one way to go from here: up. Or forward…  Wait, that’s two ways. Ok, bad analogy!

Point is, I’m the only one responsible for my reality. Maybe I created these painful experiences for myself, like the empty workshop, to face the patterns inside that are holding me back. Who knows, but I do know I’m the only one that can embrace this pain, and transform it into something useful.

Although this has been one of the most wicked retrogrades I’ve ever experienced, it feels like a complete & total cleansing. It feels like a necessary pain, a needed expunging, in order to move forward. Only by facing these issues will my new yoga business opportunities be successful. When I can totally & completely embrace the beautiful soul inside myself, I’ll step back into the universal flow if ease & grace.

So, heeeeerrrrreee, I go! Onwards & upwards! (Those two ways work!)

Over the last weeks, I’ve learned a lot about what does/doesn’t work in a yoga class. I’ve learned about what types of places do/don’t work out for a yoga teacher to build a class.

I’ve also learned a lot about my own personal yoga teaching style, and which environment works the best for that style.

Now, the question becomes, what do I do with this information?

Mental Process

I’m jumping ahead of myself. Through the course of the last weeks’ depression & mopiness, I finally came to a conclusion: I was being too hard on myself.

For those of you who know me, I’m sure you’re LOL-ing right now. Yup, this Old Goat is finally understanding how hard she is on her own self. Perfectionism is like an itchy rash that just won’t go away. It flares up from time to time, and gets soothes with creams & balms, but – it’s always there.

I don’t know what happened. But back around last Friday, a voice came into my head telling me that this was a learning process, I was experimenting, and that I had nothing to be ashamed about.

Wow.

Who was that voice? Maybe my mom’s? Maybe mine? Maybe an alien’s – who knows, and who cares. The point is, the wagon wheel of my mental process that beats myself up was pulled out of its’ rut. This is huge. This is good.

Next Steps

While I don’t claim to be “fixed” or “healed” by this amazing phenomenon occurring, I also don’t want to dwell too much on it. Now, I’m ready to move forward. Now I’m ready to try out what actually might work, knowing FULL WELL that it might not.

Something about the last several weeks’ struggle with control, grief, etc. was a blessing in disguise. It taught me that I can try out new things, and I have no idea what’s going to work. But, so far, I do know what is working. I’d like to do more of that.

My next step will involve “settling down” somehow into a yoga routine at only 1-2 places. Right now I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It’s no fun. Teaching yoga is becoming no fun because I’m exhausted all the time. This is insanity! How can something I love become bad? Only when I push myself too hard.

Accepting reality with grace is no easy task. I’ve put a lot of effort out into building my classes. When some things work & others don’t, it’s insane to keep on doing the same thing & expecting results to change.

Love & Purpose

I had a chat yesterday with someone who recounted a story where she was asked, “What do you love? and What is your purpose?” in the same conversation.

Her reply was, “What if they’re different? What if what I love is not my purpose?”

That was an interesting response to me, because I have never seen my “purpose” as being something small, like my purpose is to buy a cup of tea, or write a book. Rather, I’ve always felt my purpose is to become the best human being I can, embody all the good qualities that we are given, and set an example for other’s to keep striving, too.

The more I do something I love, the more likely I’ll be able to achieve that. Just in the last 2 months of self-employment, I’ve learned Truckloads! about myself, and been dope-slapped by God yet again on trying to control things. Yup. God created the Three Stooges for a reason, to give us the dope slap.

All I know is, no matter how worn out I am, I’m becoming a better person & loving my life more now with self-employment, than ever before. There’s no escaping how much I am over-booking myself, over-doing things, etc., to “achieve” something.

With continued experimentation, continued commitment to success, I can learn & grow, change things up, and create a livelihood from something I love; knowing FULL WELL that what I “love” could change at any time!

Look at this guy – he “slacked” literally, & figuratively, and started an entire movement…

Wheels are spinning, opportunities are opening up, passions are being stoked… stay tuned for the next chapter of the adventure!

Anxiety over the fact that I will die someday; so will the remaining loved ones in my family & circle of friends.

Depression from recalling it was 2 years ago during early October that I last saw my brother walk again. It was also when my mom’s diagnosis of stage 4 cancer came out, and she opted to forego any further treatment.

Despite this, I still have a business to build, classes to teach, students to aid, and skincare to sell. Friends & family are going about their business, tending to their lives & loved ones.

The world doesn’t stop just because I do.

(Not that I’m asking it to…just sayin’.)

A fellow grief friend, who also lost her mom last year, and I talked at length tonight. We talked about how none of this is personal. It’s not personal that my mom & brother suffered so badly. It’s not personal that people don’t remember to call & ask how we’re doing anymore.

Even so, both of us marveled at how the depression & sadness just comes out of nowhere, and completely debilitates us. She expressed it best, “I’m in shock at how utterly incapacitated I’ve become from these emotions. It just slams me.”

Me, too.

I’m reading a book in very small doses, by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It was his fist big seller, I think, called “Your Erroneous Zones”. He talks about how emotions lead to thoughts. He writes that beginning to take responsibility for one’s thoughts, and changing them, will lead to happiness, contentment, etc.

What I can’t figure out is when the thoughts are really unconscious. Is it possible for unconscious thoughts to still trigger emotions? Apparently, because that’s what seems to be happening to me. I don’t even know I’m feeling depressed, until I get so sleepy I can’t stay awake for no good reason. Then, I don’t even know what it’s about until I try to talk things out with someone.

I mean, I’ve been feeling blue for 2 weeks now, and it took me that long to put a finger on the time of year, and the events of the last two years in October. Because there’s no “event” like a birthday for my loved ones, I assumed it was not about them.

Yet, it always seems to be about them.

When I picked up the phone to dial my friend this afternoon, I told myself, “I’m just going to dive into these feelings, and embrace them. When I fully acknowledge them, then maybe they’ll pass.” Thankfully, I was right. I’m still feeling down, but way less so than earlier. Tears have been shed, mopes have been moped, and I feel a bit better. Honestly, I feel like giving myself a medal for taking the courage to talk about this stuff, with you & my pal today. It’s hard to face the reality of these kinds of feelings. It’s no fun, and generally nobody likes doing it.

So, I’m going to cheer myself up even more by writing out my gratitude list. (Not to push away the grief, but just transform it.) Many pals recently posted on their Facebook pages phrases like: “Life is not about having the most, but making the most out of everything you have.”

I’m really coming to this understanding now. I’m trying to make the most out of what I have. When I stay present, I can enjoy life & the colorful trees, and the crisp Autumn air. This especially applies to money. When I can trust & live life knowing my needs will be met, they are! Life is great, actually, when I can let it be.

So, here’s my list:

1) There’s a community of people out in the world that will always remember my brother & mom, and I’m lucky enough to share my memories with them.

2) The phonecall with my friend today was a gift from the heavens

3) Instead of running around the planet, running away from my grief, I’m staying in one place & facing it.

4) I have a home, and it’s heated.

5) I have a bed to sleep in.

6) My roommates are nice people.

7) Despite the new funky noises my pickup is starting to make, it keeps running.

The students who take my classes like the yoga I am teaching.

9) Made a nice connection with my brother this morning.

10) Had a delightful chat with a client about going “all natural” with skincare & shower products, etc.

And, there you have it. Life really is good. In fact, it’s great!!

What a short, strange trip it’s been…

Self-care

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: self-care is the cornerstone to my sanity. Being self-employed, though, taught me self-care is a constantly changing thing.

Getting good sleep has been in short supply, but my meditation practice has helped keep me going nonetheless. Sometimes when I’m really mentally exhausted, I need physical exercise to release the brain & get back into the body. So, I began taking Marty the Wonderpooch on walks again.

After really pushing hard to launch myself into this new life, I quickly realized if I didn’t back off & start caring for myself, I was going to burn out – and fast. It horrified me to think I would actually become exhausted & uninterested in teaching something that is so dear to my heart: yoga.

Thankfully, I caught myself before “train-wreck” mode. The last 2 weeks I really made an effort to fit “me” time into the week. “Me” time means time NOT doing promotion or work of any kind for my self-employment. It means finding a way to turn my brain off. It’s harder to do than you think!

Experiencing this challenge showed me while some folks take to a bottle or a pile of pills, I take to work in a way that’s unhealthy. I push myself to the brink of exhaustion, trying really hard to “make it” with whatever I’m doing. Care for myself is teaching me that my relationship to earning a living is harmful to me.

This brings to mind the yoga precept: ahimsa, non-harming of self or others. Now I see that not sleeping well is an act of self-harm. Not eating on time is an act of self-harm. Not taking a nap is an act of self-harm. Not taking a mental break, is also an act of self-harm.

I’m so grateful for this on-going unveiling of what self-care means to me. Each situation reveals a new learning.

Trust

More & more things unfold in my life that blow the lack of trust right out of my mental waters.

At the end of last month, I had several checks from clients & studios. I deposited them online, and then tried not to start sweating as I opened a bill that I knew I had to pay. Calming myself with my breath, I calculated the monthly payments of the bill, and to my absolute delight, the checks just deposited EXACTLY matched the amount I had to pay. Wow!

Each time an amazing coincidence happens like this, the more I let go of my belief in coincidences. Everything unfolds as it should, financially, spiritually, emotionally.

When my trust that the Universe provides begins to falter, I ask for help. Signs come immediately, like my classes beginning to fill up last week. Almost every class had new students. Yay!

Letting Go

The last major piece of self-employment learning is in learning to let go. The more I take care not to “cling” to clients, to financial gains, to increasing students, etc., the more they come.

In fact, as I’ve been taking care of myself more lately & not seeming so frazzled, the more students are attracted to my classes. That was the linch-pin for me: realizing students won’t want to take classes from a frazzled, burnt-out teacher. Duh.

Sometimes in my classes, I instruct the students while in child’s pose to flip their palms to the ceiling. Then, I ask them to squeeze their hands into fists, and release, several times. I tell them not only can they not let go when their fists are clenched, but they can’t receive all the goodness that is coming into their lives either.

These last weeks taught me to follow my own advice…

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What a gift! Self-employment is teaching me so much about myself.  As the weeks continue to unfold, stay tuned for more learnings…

She was so touched by the tremendous gift of giving to others’ in need, she decided to volunteer again with CSS to Morocco, working with children at risk for HIV/AIDS. She’ll be educating the kids and families on preventing HIV/AIDS contraction through good nutrition and lifestyle habits.

This falls right into her sweet spot as a certified health coach, and an almost-certified yoga instructor. Being a fellow yogini, my heart felt compelled to help her any way I could.

Cortney needs $1300 by October 1st to complete the trip! She has $2500 so far. All the fees are for CSS and the airplane tickets. CSS assists with on-the-ground transportation, lodging, program support, etc., and is the go-to for any problems.

To help, I’m opening up my NYR Organic online store to Cortney from Wed 9/26-Sun 9/30.

A PORTION OF EVERY SALE ON THE STORE WILL GO TO CORTNEY!
The more sales, the bigger the portion!

Get a jump on your holiday shopping! Buy that lotion you’ve been lusting after!
*************WED – SUN ONLY!! 9/26-9/30*************
Whatever you do, know that you’ll be sending a really special young lady to a place & community that needs her help.

Here’s the store – happy shopping fundraising!

Peace & love,
Marissa

My entire working career has been in sales, marketing, and customer service. Now, I finally am part of sales & business building with products I can truly stand behind.

I am an NYR Organic consultant.

It’s a good thing! No…it’s a GREAT thing!

NYR Organic as a company is the real McCoy. From soup to nuts, plant growing to shipping, they strive to employ every possible means to reduce carbon footprint, sustainably harvest and make their products, and offer fair trade wages. What’s not to love?

PLUS – they provide consultants like me a list of which products are gluten free, nut free, or contain rye alcohol. This Is Huge! For folks with gluten and nut allergies like me, I finally have access to super high quality, soil-certified organic products for my face & skin!

To learn more about this incredibly company and their products, including ingredients lists & the like, please visit my online store: http://bit.ly/PdgQom

Why I Joined

As you all know, 2 people in my immediate family died of cancer. My mom also had the terrible neurological disease of Parkinson’s. Doctors & researchers actually know far less about these diseases than they lead us to believe.

How do I know? Because I spent many hours in doctors’ offices watching their reactions, faces, etc. as they tried to explain to my mom & brother what was wrong with them. One of my blessings is a highly tuned BS-ometer. When someone’s eyes don’t line up, I can tell pretty quickly.

Given that, I don’t want the same fate. Because of all my allergies & stomach problems, I’ve grown concerned at the role chemicals play in our lives. My mom dyed her hair for about 35 straight years. Maybe even 40. How did all those bleaches and chemical dyes affect her? Who knows? But she had brain cancer. You see? What if they are connected?

This is why I support organic all the way. I want to be able to type one of the ingredients on the bottle into Google, and see a photo of a plant. I want to know that the plant used in the lotion on my skin didn’t get sprayed with DDT or some other such icky stuff before it was ground into the lotion.

AND – I especially want to put no aluminum or chemical product on my underarms. The instances of breast cancer are so freakin‘ high these days, forgeddaboudit. I’d rather stink like a pig, than put pore-clogging stuff on my pits.

The beautiful thing is, I can be safe & stink no more! NYR has a completely chemical free deodorant that REALLY WORKS. Trust me, I’m teaching yoga like a mad fool, getting hot & sweaty several times a day, and I NEVER SMELL.

The Lavender & Aloe scent is my favorite, but many folks like the Lemon & Coriander. Go ahead & try it out. Do your body some good. Click here: http://bit.ly/UHm67L

Building A Dream Team

Even with the amazing products, the best part about joining NYR has been building a team. I can’t begin to describe how rewarding it is to offer this incredible opportunity to others’, and watch them run with it!

Not only is NYR Organic a fantastic additional stream of income along with my yoga teaching, (I hit $1500 in sales within 30 days. Yes, it IS that good.) but I also get to coach, help, learn from, and assist other folks to build their own business. What an honor!

Humbleness is my middle name these days. It is so humbling to watch people use this opportunity as a way to transform their lives.

So, if YOU, yes YOU or anyone else you know wants to enliven your situation with extra money, give the gift that keeps on giving by sponsoring others onto your NYR team, and generally be an educator and ambassador for fair business practices, let me know!

I’m in the process of building a nationwide team RIGHT NOW, and you could be on it!

In Good Health,

MK